Disappointment in Blog Land...

I’m not really sure how to describe what is bothering me right now… so I’m just going to “put this out there” and hope it makes sense.

I’m a BIG BELIEVER of giving handmade gifts to people. I like making handmade gifts for three reasons:

• Because They Can Be Personalized- When I make a gift for someone, I always keep in mind what is important to them or about them. Whether it's a name on the gift, remembering their favorite colors, or making something of a sentimental nature, a handmade gift is one way that I feel that I can show I care.
  
• Because Handmade Gifts Are Unique- I know when I give a handmade gift, it’s not anything anyone else is going to give them. I know my gift is unique and different. I know that I can make the right gift for just the right person.
  
• Because The Gift Can Become a Family Treasure- All the gifts I make are made from the heart. I make them as keepsakes… often using photos or letters than can be family heirlooms in generations to come. I feel that even something as simple as a crocheted blanket can remind someone of my love and friendship.
  

Unfortunately, a recent experience has soured me.

A couple of weeks ago I was working on a gift for someone suffering from a great loss (I’m trying to make this very generic as to not hurt her feelings if she happens to read this). My mom, my friend Christy, and Christy’s mom were with me while I worked on it. My mom actually said to me, “Jenny- you and Christy are the two kindest people I know. You could be working on projects for yourself and yet you’re sitting here for 12 hours working on a gift for someone else. You’re both so nice.”

I think most people who know me would say I am extremely thoughtful. I don’t do things for people because I feel I have to… rather I do things for people because I want to.

So in this particular case, I was working on the gift. That morning I almost ran to my craft table because I was so excited to get started on my project. I had painstakingly and carefully selected the materials. I remember feeling so "giddy" when I found just the right color choices that would coordinate with the feelings I wanted to evoke. Everything that I wanted for the gift to make it a “gift of lifetime,” I found! I hoped she'd love it as much as I loved making it for her.

The gift came out perfectly. Everyone who saw it raved about it. They all said they couldn’t believe what a great gift that was… a gift of remembrance. A gift to that would cause tears of joy, sadness and also of love for her. A gift to show I cared and that in some small way I recognized the loss and feelings she stated she was having.

I sent the gift by mail. I carefully wrapped it and wrote a heartfelt letter to this person who (in my opinion) needed to know that someone cared. In my mind I imagined watching her elation as she opened that gift.

Unfortunately I never heard anything. Not even a “thanks I got the gift.”

I finally checked with the post office and learned the gift had been delivered. I got up the nerve to send an email to see if she had received the gift. I received confirmation from her… she had received the gift LAST WEEK and she appreciated it. She said a few generic “thank you’s”, but still not at all what I had expected.

I guess that’s where I am torn. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster ride where my strong hope and faith collided with unexpected reality. My expectations, desires and dreams for this gift were shattered. I have a strong feeling of disappointment… I suppose it's a natural result of this experience.

I sit here questioning her actions… even if she hated it… couldn’t she have at least let me know it arrived? Considering how obvious it was that I had spent a substantial amount of time on the gift (not to mention money)… couldn’t she have at least given me more than a general “thank you.” Even if she hated it… couldn’t she at least pretend the gift was great? Even if she loved it... did she have to group its importance up there with the generic Hallmark Teddy Bear she received?

And even worse… Now I’m questioning myself. Should I have spent the time making that gift when I could have sent a crappy store bought gift that she obviously would have liked just as much? Did I even need to send a gift at all? Did I give too much of myself when making the gift? Should I only make gifts for people who I KNOW will appreciate them?

Quite frankly, I know I’ll continue to make handmade gifts…irregardless of this experience and others… handmade gifts are what I love… it’s who I am.

But if I happen to send you one… my friends... promise me you’ll at least pretend you’re thankful!