So, if you'll remember where I left off last, I was the ONLY SOBER PERSON at my own birthday party. When the female impersonator show was over, everyone was still raring to go. All my lovely friends... all mothers who rarely get out to "play"... really wanted to go Karaoke. I loaded everyone (7 of us) in an Expedition and went to a local dive. I'm not kidding.... it really is a dive. It's a small neighborhood bar (not my neighborhood) that is known for its Karaoke.
Everyone went to order moredrinks at the bar and I sat at the table. Within a matter of minutes, this guy playing pool started smiling at me. All my friends (especially my mom and sister) started laughing. The guy wouldn't leave me alone. Every time I looked up he was gesturing at me. I pointed to my wedding ring... but he didn't get the hint. One of my drunk friends (AMY) kept egging him on. I even tried to pretend to be a total looser... hoping he'd decide I wasn't worth it... but nope. He liked me even more!
I knew... I knew... I knew... deep in my heart that the guy was #1-totally drunk out of his mind and #2- was from another country. See, I have the knack for attracting three types of guys... African Americans, Guys Who Don't Speak English or Men over age 60! Anyway, because the poor lad didn't pick up on the fact my friends were basically teasing him, I knew didn't speak English. Sure enough, he was from Bosnia and didn't speak a word of English.I finally got the guy to understand I wasn't interested... but being the mean, vindictive, spiteful, SOBER friend that I am, I told him all my girlfriends were interested in him. Oh my Lord... I spent the rest of the night laughing at my friends trying to unload the poor guy. To make matters worse, the guy had some kind of fetish where he wanted to rub his head all over the girls. My friends were grossed out by him but I'm still laughing about it.
Now, let me tell you, there were some other strange things going on around this same time. One friend (Amy) started to obsess that a guy at the bar looked like Meatloaf (the singer). She (in her drunkenness) convinced Katie and Tracey that the guy might be Meatloaf. Amy wanted to see the guy up close so she decided to go up and talk to him. What we didn't know is that she was telling the guy that "our mother" thought he looked like Meatloaf and wanted her picture taken with him. As if that wasn't funny enough, when the guy came to our table to get his picture taken with "mom" he picked the wrong "old lady." He picked my friend Tracey instead of my mom. It was a huge blow to Tracey's ego... a huge boost to my mom's ego... and a great source of hysterics for the rest of us. Eventually the guy figured out his mistake and came back to have his picture taken with my real mom... (and she quite frankly wasn't impressed with his likeness to Meatloaf).
Tracey and Meatloaf (on the Right)
Mom and Meatloaf
And of course, the night had to end with a big bang. Not to be outdone... my sister told this old man it was my birthday and I needed a birthday kiss. (They all know that the old guys like me... so they had to "go there.") The guy came over and asked if he could give me a birthday kiss. Everyone was encouraging me to "go for it"... so I offered my cheek. But nooooooo.... this guy pulled a fast one on me and kissed me directly on the lips. He almost choked me trying to get his tongue in my mouth. OH MY GOSH. I was stunned. I could barely breath. My friends were literally on the floor laughing. Even my mom was laughing! After getting over the shock, I ended up laughing too... but I'll post it here... REVENGE IS GOING TO BE SWEET! BEWARE GIRLS!
Oh, and we did actually do some Karaoke during all this too.
1 comment:
Looks like you guys had a blast:)
Julia:)
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